Birthdays Are Weird

Birthdays are weird.

If there’s one thing we begin to develop as children and then are hyperaware of as adults it’s that holidays come with expectations. The personal holiday of a child’s birthday is no exception. Though we are moving into an era where non-conventional family arrangements are being lauded more and more, the notion of an amazing birthday still holds true. That episode where “Dad forgot your birthday” is still rare enough to be in itself considered a source of high drama. A child having two half-complete birthday parties with their two broken families is almost unheard of. And somehow, in all my childhood and painful adulthood kids’ show watchthrus, I don’t remember ever hearing the phrase “we’re having the birthday party on Saturday.”

But where storied birthday parties for plucky children are always so thoughtful, so well-planned, and so uniquely staged, the reality is that a birthday party is a huge series of compromises.

My son has already turned 7, and we’re about to have his birthday party. He had one already, with his mother, and loved and adored it, while we stood on looking like the odd ones out and they threw judgey shade at us when they thought we weren’t looking. He unwrapped all his favorite toys and, true to form, his Mommy let him take the cheap toys she didn’t want in her house back with us, holding back his prize of the day for when he returned to see her. You gotta hand it to her, she’s never one to miss an opportunity to tug on the leash. But now he’s about to have one with us, his “other” family - the ones who let him be his true self, the ones who let him pursue his identity without judgment.

It so happens, his “birthday present” two years ago was a beautiful baby brother, delivered one month after he turned 5 - we’ve been milking that one ever since. Two years running now he recalls fondly how he got a baby brother for his birthday - and now his brother will be turning two. He’s already had his, but not with us, so he compromised and agreed to have a joint birthday with his brother. He’s excited, in fact. In just under a week we will hang up the decorations, wrap the presents, cook the food, and invite the guests for a party for a child who doesn’t live with us who already had his birthday, and for the baby who lives with us who hasn’t yet turned fully two.

I wonder when a kids’ show will aire THAT episode?