Being A First Time Mother Has Changed Me

I never understood what it was like before I entered the parenting world myself. Being a first time mother has changed me, and from what I gather will never stop.

From the moment she was

born, I've been surfing the ups and down of parenting; I'm left dizzy at times. From crying to laughing to speechless, I experience a massive mixture of emotions throughout my day to day.

I was never informed of these ever changing winds. I was an only child and have practically no experience with children. Let alone infants. Yet here I am navigating the sky on my newly acquired wings. I feel totally bombarded from all sides with life changing extremities that I wasn't prepared for. I had no clue what it was like to be needed almost every two hours to be someone's food source. Or that my nights were no longer mine to sleep peacefully.

Sleep was obsolete at the start. Shifts between my partner and I of three to six hours were our initial attempt at handling the high demands. It became very clear when my partner left to work in another state for a month I had no clue what I was doing. I was the shift lead, always, and I was breaking.

My friend committed to help and came over after work one night.  Peering through matted locks of hair I hid my eyes from hers as she cleared my obstacle course of a house and made it to my room. She took my daughter, left and told me to go to bed.

From that point on she baby trained with me on how to properly care for a newborn. It was a life saver. There were a few hiccups but all in all her expertise worked. I enjoyed my time with my daughter backed by my newfound confidence in how to handle her. I bonded with her and discovered little hidden treasures of who she is. It is fantastic.

Now my husband has left again to work and my daughter and I are working through some very intense days. She certainly misses him and is not hesitating to show it.  Though I've been through it before I'm not numb to it. It's very hard to have a baby screaming in your face inconsolable. It is very difficult to soothe someone when all you need is a hug yourself.  I'm trying to do my best but I have yelled, I have cried with her at times, and I absolutely do make mistakes.

One giant lesson I'm learning is that you don't learn until you do and don't get the desired results. That's precisely how we learn. From our mistakes. Do I want to get angry and scream? Absolutely not. But how will I know until I do unless I was taught differently. Improving begins with what needs to be improved and so far being a mother is a very fast paced path of self improvement.

It is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life but each time her smile nestles into my heart I'm pulled to do more. To be more. I make mistakes but I learn with each mistake a little more about who I want to be. Where I need to improve. She is more then worth it.

Give yourself the grace to make mistakes and water your dreams of becoming a better you. Be mindful and have a blessed day.

Jessica Barone,

Guest Writer

Hello, my name is Jessica Barone. I'm 23 years old and I grew up in Florida. I've been writing from the age of 13 off and on until today. I was published as a child for poetry and my work has been used by my teachers as examples for the class.

If you'd like to talk to me about writing for you, please contact me via my Simbi Profile.