July Is National Sandwich Generation Month

If you don’t know what the Sandwich Generation is, you’re not alone. But this difficult lifestyle is putting the pressure on a lot of middle-aged individuals, and with that pressure comes physical, mental and financial stress, from which illness can follow.

The term "Sandwich Generation" was coined in the 1980s to describe people who were caring for dependents on both sides of the age spectrum: a child or children living at home or requiring financial support after leaving home, and aging parents requiring care and financial support. Originally referring to people in their 30s and 40s, as people begin to live longer and have children later, the generation has shifted to include those between the ages of 40 and 65.

The studies back up what most people living it could tell you: folks in this situation are struggling with stress, burnout, and extensive work absences. In 2012, a Pew study reported that 15% of Americans 40-59 years old had provided financial support to both a parent and a child in the previous year.

When it comes to dealing with the stressors of being a Sandwich Generationer, it’s easy to remind people they need to make time for themselves, but anyone who has been expected to care for multiple individuals knows how difficult, if not impossible, it can be to facilitate personal time. In the following four tips, we make these suggestions with the realization that they might be hard to enact, but the fact remains that enacting them can help you get through a difficult time.

Stay healthy

So often, when we put our all into caring for someone else (or in this case, multiple someone elses), we overlook our own well-being. And while being selfless is an admirable trait to a point, you are an important person, too! Taking a spa weekend or Mexico vacation is probably out of the question, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find small, inexpensive ways to keep yourself in good health.

• Go out for lunch alone or with a friend you haven’t seen in a while or, if money is really tight, arrange to meet up with your lunches at your favorite outdoor spot.

• Make a conscious effort to stop eating on the run –that tends to lead to poor food choices and lousy digestion. Instead, pick up pre-cut veggies or set aside an evening to prep your meals for the week. It might seem like you just can’t spare the time, but you’ll have much less time to spare if you fall ill!

• Chances are you’re getting plenty of exercise running to and from work, appointments, and other essential tasks on your ever-expanding to-do list, but while you might be burning calories, those workouts aren’t doing anything for your state of mind. Can you set aside just an hour a week to do something active that you really love, like swimming, or walking through the park, or taking a spin class?

Talk to someone

While counselling is a wonderful tool for anyone going through a trying period, you don’t have to pay a professional to get a few things off your chest. Remember that friend you’re going to meet for lunch? When they ask how things are, take a beat before shrugging and saying you’re “fine”. They care about you, so why not share a few of the difficulties you’re facing.

Discussing the challenges inherent to the Sandwich Generation with a sympathetic friend is not the same as complaining about your life. You aren’t a bad caregiver for feeling and giving voice to the difficulties you’re facing.

And if you just don’t think a few minutes here and there over lunches is enough, find a support group or counsellor. You have to unburden eventually, or you’ll wind up being flattened.

Accept change

If you’re caring for a child and a parent, you know that things change. The amount of care, the cost of that care, the price of rent, the discovery of a new health problem – all these things can throw a wrench in your carefully made plans.

The trick is to recognize that this wrench is called “Life”, and there’s nothing you can do to stop the messes it makes. All you can do is accept the changes when they come down the pipe, and step aside so they don’t splash on your shoes.

Work on taking each new detour in stride. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but if you can stop stressing about the things you cannot change, you’ll find you have the courage, and time, to focus on the things you can.

Don’t be so hard on yourself

When something changes, when your expectations fall short, when you miss an appointment because you accidentally scheduled your child’s parent-teacher conference at the same time as your mother’s doctor’s appointment – take a deep breath.

Even if they forget to show it, the family members you’re caring for – and the family members who are saved that burden because you shouldered it – are (or should be) thankful for you and all you do. Chances are, most of the time, the person being hardest on you is you! So work something from Tip 1 or Tip 2 into your hectic schedule, or just reward yourself with that ice cream cone you’ve been craving. You are making a difference in the lives of those you love, even if sometimes you can’t stand them, and that’s worth cutting yourself a bit of slack.

Shannon Kirk, Guest Writer

Shannon Kirk is a freelance blogger and content creator located in the Pacific Northwest. Her love for the written word runs deep, and she’s always eager to learn about a new topic and share it with a passionate audience. Samples of her work can be found on her website.